


Accidental slip

by hazzard



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Philinda - Freeform, also they're idiots who can't communicate, basically angst as f
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 17:38:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9082651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazzard/pseuds/hazzard
Summary: In which Phil says too much.





	

“Your orders sucked!”

Phil was sitting at his desk and barely looked up when she came storming in, murder in her eyes and ice in her voice. “Right.”

“What were you _thinking_?! There was no use bringing the kids in on this, I could’ve handled it _fine_ , but _no_ , you decide to put everyone in danger? Sometimes, Phil, I _swear I could just_ …”

He smiled. How dared he? She was furious, she had every right to be furious, but all her anger melted away when he smiled. Damn him.

“The kids?”

She felt herself blush. _Damn him_. “Yes, the kids. They’re _kids_ , Phil. They’re just kids.”

He looked up, his gaze finally meeting hers. “They can handle themselves.”

“Yes, but…”

“I know you’re protective of them and I love you for that, but-”Phil stopped himself mid sentence. His eyes widened and he stared at her, slightly panicked.

She stopped breathing.

Then he looked away, nervously fiddling with his papers. His cheeks were a little red. “Anyway, there’s no need to worry. They managed just fine, right? They even helped you out. Like that thing Fitz did, adverting the guy so you and Daisy could go in for an attack, that was really cool, right? He reminds me of myself at that age, do you remember…. And Daisy, man she’s become one of my best agents, all thanks to you no doubt… I’m really proud of them, all of them, how much they’ve grown…”

He was babbling.

She was pretty sure she still hadn’t breathed.

“I really need to get this paper work done, could you…” He wouldn’t look at her.

“See you later.”

He probably hadn’t ever heard her.

She walked out.

She continued to walk, all the way to her room, trying to look as normal as possible, face blank of emotions, confidence and certainty in her steps.When she’d reached her room, she opened the door, stepped in and closed it behind her.

Once she was alone, she stopped fighting against her emotions and, as on a queue, her whole body turned to jelly and she couldn’t keep it upright so she slid down, with her back against the door, and landed on the floor.

_What the hell had just happened?_

 

 _So, when you said you love me, what…_ No. _You love me, huh?_ No. _In what way do you love me?_ Nope. _So, I don’t know if you remember this, but when we talked a couple of days ago, you kinda said you loved me and I was just curious…_

No, no, _no._

She sat on her bed and fidgeted with her hands in her lap. She’d been trying to figure out what to do, how to handle this, what to _say_ , for almost a week now, and _nothing_ was good enough.

She stood up, frustrated. This was horrible. This was so damn horrible.

She pulled up her phone and dialed.

“Hill.”

Relief washed over her instantly. She’d known Maria for years. Maria had known Phil for years. She was good with this “handling feelings” stuff.

“Hi, Maria. It’s me.”

“Hi. It’s good to hear your voice.” Maria’s voice turned soft and Melinda could tell she was indeed happy to hear from her. Her heart warmed.

“But” Maria continued, “I know you don’t call unless there’s a very good reason. So, what’s wrong?”

She knew her so well.

Melinda took a deep breath and tried to figure out how to explain. “Well… you know Coulson?”

She could almost hear Maria’s smirk through the phone. “The guy I’ve been friends with since my early twenties? I think I recall, yes.” Suddenly, her voice turned serious. “Is he ok?” 

“Yes” Melinda hurried to answer, “yes, yes, everything’s…”  She began shaking her head to herself and sat down again. “I don’t know. He…” She buried her face in her hand. “He told me he loved me.”

There was complete silence. 

Melinda suddenly became flustered. “I mean, he said the words , kind of, but I don’t know if he meant them, or like _how_ he meant them, y’know? He just said it, just like that and I was so confused and I didn’t-”

“He said that he loves you?”

She remembered how his eyes had looked when he realized what he’d said and the panic in them after the fact. “Yeah.”

“Well, it’s about damn time.”

Melinda almost groaned in frustration. “That doesn’t help me.”

Maria cleared her throat, apparently trying to shake the amusement away from her voice. “Right. He tells you he loves you. In what way?”

“That’s just it, I don’t know in what way because he could’ve meant that he loves me as a friend or a sister and-”

Maria sighed loudly. “Melinda, he does _not_ love you like a sister.”

“But-”

“ _Trust me_.”

Melinda had to stand up again. Her pulse was raging. This was so damn horrible.

Maria continued. “I meant, how did he tell you? Was it like a life or death type of confession or-”

“It wasn’t a confession at all. It was more like ‘I can’t believe I just said that.’ It was an accident. He didn’t plan to say it.” He didn’t _want_ to say it. Her heart broke.

“But he _did_ say it.” 

Melinda nodded. “Yes.”

“So, what happened after?” He’d been avoiding her. He’d barely even looked at her. He didn’t want to hurt her by taking back his words.

“Nothing. He doesn’t want to talk.”

Maria scoffed lightly. “And you’re just _dying_ to, I bet.”

Melinda scoffed back but didn’t say anything.

“So, what _did_ you say?”

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She’d been hoping she wouldn’t have to say this. Maria wouldn’t approve. “Nothing. I just kinda… ran.” 

“You didn’t say _anything?_ ” Nope, she didn’t approve.

Maria breathed slowly for what seemed like ages. She was pissed. 

“He thinks you tried to let him down gently by running away and giving him an opportunity to pretend it never happened.”

Melinda shrugged, feeling a need to defend herself. “It’s not like he’s been running after me-”

Maria groaned in frustration. “Because he doesn’t want to overstep your boundaries!” She paused, her voice then becoming calmer. “You know how he is, he is _annoyingly_ respectful, especially when it comes to you.”

“I’m scared.”

The confession just slipped out. She was. She was terrified. She’d loved him for so long, she’d loved him always, and she’d never dared to let herself dream.These last couple of days the dreaming didn’t seem to stop.

“Tell him.”

Melinda nodded slowly. “Thanks, Maria.Talk to you later.” Then she hung up.

 

He’d been waiting for her to show up, to be honest. You did not drop that kind of bomb on Melinda May and expect to get away with it. He’d been trying to build himself up for the anger and rejection for days. He couldn’t look her in the eye because he was so scared how they’d look at him when all the warmth had disappeared.

But when she stormed into his office, he still wasn’t ready.

She was furious and her hands were shaking and _fuck,_ she was beautiful. Not that he’d ever say that out loud. He didn’t have a death wish.

“In _what way_ do you love me?”

His breath caught in his throat. Here it was. _The beginning of the end._  

“I…”

“Coulson.” Her voice was ice cold. “If you don’t tell me right now I will hurt you.” He didn’t doubt that. There was only a desk between them. It would take her seconds to attack.

He swallowed and forced himself to meet her gaze. She deserved that. “In a ‘sometimes I can’t look at you because you’re too beautiful’ kind of way. In a ‘I’d die for you’ kind of way. In a ‘I’ve wanted to kiss you since I was 18 years old’ kind of way. In a ‘I can’t be truly happy unless you’re by my side’ kind of way. In a…” He swallowed again, looking away. “…In a ‘I really want you naked and on top of me ‘ kind of way.”

His pulse was racing and his cheeks felt hot. Well, it was all out now. There was no going back. It was terrifying and horrible but it also felt like a relief.

He couldn’t get himself to look at her again. He could only imagine the overwhelming sense of his ultimate betrayal in her eyes.

She was completely quiet. Somehow, that was worse than anger _._

“Look at me.”

Her voice was neutral and he had no idea how she felt. 

“Look at me.”

He couldn’t.

“Phil, please…” Her voice was suddenly soft and vulnerable and his heart bled. “ _Please_ , look at me Phil… This is so difficult for me, please…”

He loved her with all his heart. 

When their gazes met he cursed silently at himself when he saw the tears in her eyes. He’d _known_ he shouldn’t have told her. She’d have to hurt her best friend and that would hurt her. He couldn’t believe he’d been so selfish and put that on her.

Her voice was trembling, her arms clutched tightly together. “I don’t know how to tell _you_ , so I’m just gonna…”

Before he’d realized what she was talking about she was already at his side of desk. He was just about to apologize to her and reassure her that he could handle it and nothing had to change, when she leaned down and…

Her lips felt softer against his than he’d ever imagined. And he’d imagined it a lot.

She pulled away. She had a smile on her face and the usual warmth in her eyes had tenfolded.

“This is the way in which _I_ love _you._ ”

Then she kissed him again.

**Author's Note:**

> originally based on a prompt and the first part written ages ago.
> 
> I love comments, kudos and all of you!
> 
> hope you enjoy xx
> 
> ps. rip Carrie Fisher. You are a Queen.


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